I was sitting, listening to my itunes music yesterday for a purpose. The purpose, was to find a song or two that I would like to use for Quinn's 1st year picture/video slide show. Just typing that seems so surreal. Our baby, our mighty Quinn, the Quinnster, Quinner, Quinny Winnie, our dynamo, Quinn Evelyn, will be one year old in another month. As I was going through songs, there are so many songs produced as love songs, that I could sing from the depths of my soul for my babies. For the two little beings who turned me from a daughter, my parents' child, into a mother. Into someone whose first thought isn't of myself anymore, but is for my babies. Each of them has this very special place in my heart.
So I'm about tears singing song after song to my babies, innocently eating their lunch, and then the song,
Oceans, by Hillsong United came on (click on the link to watch/listen!). I pretty much lost it. I distinctly remember this song playing during my labor with Quinn, and I was immediately taken back to that moment. So clearly, I remember the pain and the calm, all wrapped up into one.
It is so funny to me, how my children came into this world so differently. Palmer, my chill laid back kiddo, came into this world in a painful frenzy! It was an unexpected un-medicated birth all the way until the end. I stalled out, and then, as if my body said "ooooooohhhhh, that's what you want me to do?!" I went from 3cm to 9.5cm in an hour. I was out of it, and it was total insanity. None of the nurses would listen to me, and it was infuriating. On the other hand, my firecracker, my daredevil, my sassy one, Miss Quinn, came into this world in the most calm manner possible (well as calm as a birth can be). I was prepared mentally for a natural birth this time, mostly because I thought it would be a very quick birth, and I just prayed it wouldn't be in the car on the way to the hospital! But instead, we were ushered down from an appointment to the birthing suite, and I had options. All I wanted was a birthing tub, my husband by my side, and my playlist. (And our photographer,
Kate Podjan!)
I look back on this song with such fondness. Forever it will be a time in which I felt a distinct calmness that came over me, from outside of me. It came from a presence of God washing over me. I thank God for that amazing experience, and every day since, that has been filled with such blessings, in the two little people that now depend on me. Thank you God!! I do not thank you enough for the storms in this life that you walk with me (or labor with me) through.